Ben Resigns

Today is a hard day. Ben is resigning from our congregation here in Milwaukee. For now, he will take a break from parish ministry and be a full-time student. This was a difficult decision for us and we are sad to leave. We trust God will continue to work through His church here and that He has plans for us elsewhere.

Here is the statement Ben made in church this morning.

After a lot of prayer and thought, I have decided to go to school full-time. My last Sunday as your pastor will be April 11. I am starting work on a Doctor of Ministry degree at Concordia Seminary, St. Louis, especially studying outreach and preaching. After nearly 10 years in the ministry, this seems to be the right time for more study, to be renewed and refreshed for my ministry, equipped for the next 10 years wherever God calls me to serve Him.

I trust that God has worked through my ministry here and I thank God for your commitment to the mission of the Church. I pray that God will continue to grow in you a heart to reach this community which we’ve dubbed Brookfallsbutlertosawaukee.

Susan, the boys, and I will continue living here in Milwaukee, while I travel to St. Louis for classes periodically. We will be seeking a new congregational home during this time so that you can move forward with calling a new Associate Pastor.

Please keep my family and me in your prayers as we begin a new phase of our life.

Pastor Ben Squires

Aunt Helene

Ben is at the funeral for his great aunt Helene today. The service is in Minnesota, so the boys and I were not able to attend. I wish I could; I loved Helene.

I haven't seen her much in the last few years because of deteriorating health, but during the first years of our marriage seeing Helene was, for me, one of the highlights of visiting my new in-laws. Helene was spunky, funny, delightful company. She had suffered tremendous loss in her lifetime but maintained a sense of faith and optimism. I remember sitting with her at a wedding reception several years ago after Minnesota elected Jesse Ventura as governor. Petite, unassuming, 70+ Helene was so excited about the new governor she could not contain herself. It was awesome.

I have no doubt Helene is with God and released from every sadness and pain of this life. Praise God for that. I will miss her.

Photo Booth

My Mac has a feature called "photo booth" that snaps pictures with the webcam. The kids LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. Jude picked out these two pictures of himself to share with the world.

Got My Wish!

The tooth came out at school. Sam was very excited to come home with a sticker on his shirt and an envelope containing his tooth.

Teeth

We're having major tooth issues at our house. Owen is getting 2-year-molars and he is not himself. He has an entire hand in his mouth most of the day and wakes in the night. He doesn't cry; he's just awake telling himself stories and jokes and laughing very loudly at 2 a.m.

Sam has four loose teeth, including both front uppers. One of them is loose enough that I could probably tug it out, but Sam is very protective. I try to talk nonchalantly with him about wiggling the tooth and helping it come out, but I am apprehensive about the blood and tears that have accompanied tooth loss so far. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll lose a few at school.

Jude is eager for some tooth action himself. He believes deeply that saying something makes it so and keeps telling me that he has a loose tooth.

100th Day of School

Tuesday was the 100th day of the school year for Sam. The kindergartners celebrated by dressing up as though they were 100 years old. It was fantastic. I didn't even recognize his teacher; her normally long, dark hair was gray and twisted up into a bun. Sam told me they did 100 jumping jacks and counted out 100 fruit loops to make necklaces. He's mildly obsessed with 100 now.

Sam and Adoption

I've often been asked how much my children understand about having been adopted. So far, not much. I suspect they believe that everyone has birthparents. Adoption is "normal" to them; anything else is the exception.

To wit, here is a conversation Sam and I had recently while I was getting dressed.

Sam: Mom, what's that?

Me: It's a bra. It's something grown-up women wear.

S: Why? For fun?

M: Because we have breasts and a bra helps keep them in place so I'm comfortable.

S: What is that?

M: A nipple. You know how baby animals drink milk from their moms? Babies can do that, too. When you were a new baby your birthmom could have fed you.

S: Do you have a baby in your tummy?

M: No.

S: Because you adopted me?

M: One of the reasons we got to adopt you, Jude and Owen is because Mom will never grow a baby in her tummy.

S: But Andie's mom (who is pregnant) didn't get to adopt so she grows a baby in her tummy? Hmm. I'm going to eat breakfast now!

It was very hard for me to let him lead that conversation. I left out a lot of important information that he doesn't need right now. But how fascinating! He is learning so quickly. I love finding out what's on his mind.

Infertility Flashback

This week I finally found a doctor for myself in Milwaukee. It's been on my to-do list ever since we moved here. But UGH I hate going to the doctor. Either all is well and I could just stay home, or something is wrong and maybe I'd prefer not to know.

Meeting a new doctor involved reviewing my entire life history in two minutes. We covered a lot. Some of the answers I gave suggested a possibility that I could be pregnant. (I am not.) The nurse asked if they should do a pregnancy test.

That was weird.

Before Sam arrived, I used to imagine that when I am old people would still say, "Oh, that poor woman was never able to have children. That must be so sad." These days I almost never think of infertility. It seems irrelevant when I'm dressing/feeding/tickling/hollering at three kids closer in age than many very fertile couples have.

For the rest of the day I kept returning to the now-strange idea of me pregnant. I remembered the misery of wishing I were and feeling like my body was making fun of me every month. That sadness is pretty well packed away now. It tumbles out of the suitcase every time I meet or hear of someone who is walking the same long, dark path. We have been so blessed with the happy ending of our three boys.

Openness

Last weekend we enjoyed our 5th and final Christmas celebration for 2009. How did we get so lucky? We celebrated with each of our families - mine in KY, Ben's at our house - and with each of the boys' birthfamilies.

It's a lot to schedule in December and January, but absolutely worth it. It's good to affirm our connections with all of these people who are the permanent emotional resources in our lives. It's fun to see how the boys are starting to sort out the different relationships they have on each branch of our family. Ben's family and my family are grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles in the intimate, we-depend-on-you way that many families have. We see each other often, the kids visit grandparents with and without Ben and me.

All three of them also love and feel connected to all three birthfamilies. They are still getting the hang of knowing which birthmom belongs to whom, but they know that they each have a birthfamily that is "theirs." Any visit with any birthfamily elicits cheers and happy anticipation from all three. They've also come to understand that one of them is the "special" boy to each birthfamily.

For example, this weekend we were back in Manitowoc to visit with Sam's birthfamily, see some friends, and visit our old congregation there. After the service we stayed for a soup lunch. Owen sat with his birthgrandparents and seemed absolutely content to be with them. Sam and Jude sat with me and our other friends, and seemed absolutely content to be with us.

I am so thankful that we get to stay in touch with and visit all three of their birthfamilies. I suspect the warmth and openness we share with each family makes it easier for the boys to feel at ease with all of them. Surely things will become more complicated as they get older and their understanding of families changes, but in any circumstance I am thankful for lots and lots of love in our lives.