This week was round 2. I was in on Tuesday for an infusion, back on Thursday to disconnect the pump. It's weird that on Tuesday I felt just fine. Sitting for two hours for the infusion makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. I had a nice chat with my nurse, read a good story in Lorrie Moore's Birds of America.
By the time I returned on Thursday I was pretty worn out. The boys spent the day with friends on Thursday and Friday, and Ben arranged his work schedule to be home when they were. I spent most of those two days in bed. The weekend has been a little better but I'm still tired enough to look at the kids and wonder when they became so alarmingly energetic.
My hair is falling out. This is expected and discouraging. Yes, I still have plenty of hair and probably will for a long time. Coming up with fistfuls of hair in the shower makes me feel like things are falling apart, like I would not be entirely surprised to see my ear in my hand.
It is the small, persistent discouragements that bother me most right now. Death by a thousand cuts, my mom sometimes says. There's no one thing that is too much, it is the collection of all these small things that makes me want to scream.
5 comments:
(((((Susan)))))). I think you should scream, if it will help.
Stupid Cancer is all I can think of to say at the moment...with lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Praying for you..
Thankfully our memories of these "worst days of our lives" soften with time. You'll look back and remember the general grimness of the discomfort, but not all the sharp edges.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
You are living thorough the hard part now, and soon it will just be another memory.
I think you are showing your courage, doing what you are doing and sharing how you feel about it.
I hope you can get all the rest you need this weekend.
What an encouraging bunch you are. I am thankful for you!
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